Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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