batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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