I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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