people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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