I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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