hotel room ftw
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
