did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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