After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
