is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I have post one night stand depression
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
