You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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