Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
