it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I've blown a few things in my day
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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