do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Randomize
