I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
