Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
