I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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