just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
