Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
