Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
