If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
