we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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