made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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