He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
