I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
