I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
