I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
