I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize