First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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