Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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