If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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