Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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