So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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