I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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