called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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