you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
