don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
