Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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