ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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