i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
