You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
