I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Randomize
