whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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