I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
