What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
