you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
