I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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