shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
