he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
