The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
