They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
