so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
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