so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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